The Secret to Making Friendships That Last

Do you ever feel like meaningful friendships are slipping through your fingers? Like making new friends is as easy as always but fostering valuable and meaningful friendships is harder than ever? In a world where everyone is "too busy," and only replies with “Sorry something came up I’m going to have to reschedule”, lack of meaningful friendships is understandable.

But Kat Vellos, in her insightful book We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships, shows us that building strong connections isn’t about luck—it’s about intention and effort. Combining expert research and personal stories pulled from conversations with hundreds of adults, We Should Get Together is the modern handbook for making and maintaining stronger friendships.

Today Mindset Matters brings you some of the best insights and tips from this book to make and maintain healthy and lasting adult friendships so lets dive right in!

 Friendship Is the Foundation of Well-Being

Research highlights that close friendships are a cornerstone of physical and mental health. In today’s world loneliness is a public health crisis, with research showing it can harm our health as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. But here’s the flip side which Kat reminds us of: quality friendships can boost happiness, extend life expectancy, and even improve your immune system.

Takeaway? Reflect on your friendships. Friendship is not just a casual relationship you with another human. It is a key factor which has great control on your well being. Are your friendships nourishing your well-being, letting you be your true authentic self or are they leaving you feeling drained, judged and overall pressured to act different ? Be selective. Focus on relationships that bring joy, not stress.

 The ‘Busy’ Trap Is Killing Connection

We live in a culture that glorifies busyness, leaving little time for true connection. Is the journey more important or the destination, you ask? It’s the company. Kat emphasizes how we often prioritize work and productivity over relationships. We often forget that success, money and high respected positions don’t amount to anything if we don’t have people to celebrate our wins with. At the end of the day, a friend who can make you laugh till you cry your eyes out, will always matter more than a successful presentation at work.

Action Step: Make time for your friendships. Schedule catch-ups like you would a work meeting—because they’re just as important (if not more). Even a simple 10-minute check-in call can strengthen your bond.

 How to Break the Surface-Level Cycle

Kat Vellos highlights a common obstacle in modern friendships: vague or non-committal plans, like saying, "Let’s grab coffee sometime!" While the intention behind such statements is genuine, they often lack the follow-through needed to turn them into meaningful connections. This cycle of surface-level interactions leaves both parties with unmet expectations and contributes to the feeling of disconnectedness.

The issue isn’t just the lack of time—it’s the lack of clarity and initiative.

Pro Tip: Be specific when reaching out.

Here are some phrases you can use to turn vague ideas into actionable plans:

• Instead of: “We should hang out sometime.”
  Say: “Are you free for a coffee on Friday morning? I know a great spot downtown!”

• Instead of: “Let’s catch up soon.”
  Say: “It’s been a while—let’s schedule a video call this weekend. How’s Sunday afternoon for you?”

• Instead of: “Let’s plan something later.”
  Say: “I’d love to plan a game night at my place. How does next Saturday sound?”

The Power of Shared Experiences

Friendship is not solely built on words—it thrives on actions and shared moments that create lasting memories. Kat Vellos emphasizes in We Should Get Together that shared experiences are the glue that holds relationships together. These moments create emotional bonds, foster trust, and cultivate a sense of belonging.

Think about your closest friendships. Chances are, your strongest connections are tied to experiences you’ve had together—whether it’s a road trip, a late-night conversation over pizza, or working on a project side by side. Shared activities provide opportunities for laughter, vulnerability, and collaboration, all of which deepen your connection.

Challenge for This Week This week, reach out to a friend and plan a shared activity. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or time-consuming—a 30-minute walk or making coffee at home together is enough to create a meaningful moment.

 Embrace Vulnerability

In We Should Get Together, Kat Vellos emphasizes a cornerstone of meaningful friendships: vulnerability. While it’s tempting to keep conversations light and safe, true connection requires a willingness to be seen—not just the polished, curated version of yourself, but the real, imperfect one.

The fear of rejection or judgment often keeps us from opening up, but as Kat points out, it’s through these moments of authenticity that we create the strongest bonds. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we send a powerful message to others: I trust you enough to let you see me as I am.

Your Vulnerability Challenge

This week, take a small step toward vulnerability with a friend:

1. Share a personal story or struggle.

2. Tell someone how much they mean to you.

3. Open up about something you’ve been avoiding discussing.

Notice how they respond—more often than not, they’ll mirror your openness, creating a deeper connection. And if they don’t? Congrats you just spotted a bad friend.

Closing Thoughts

Strong friendships don’t just happen—they’re built. And while it may feel daunting to put in the effort, the rewards are immense. A single meaningful conversation or shared experience can deepen your connection and provide a sense of belonging that’s hard to find elsewhere.

Take one small step this week to nurture a friendship. Whether it’s reaching out to an old friend, sharing something vulnerable, or simply spending quality time together, your effort could be the start of something deeply fulfilling.

If you're ready to take your friendships to the next level, Kat Vellos’s We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships is the ultimate guide to building meaningful, lasting connections. Packed with actionable advice, relatable stories, and research-backed strategies, this book helps you break free from surface-level interactions and create relationships that enrich your life. Don’t miss out—grab your copy today and start transforming the way you connect with the people around you!

See you next time!

~The Mindset Matters Team